12/12/2006

Man v. Woman

I got this in one of those "funny" emails --I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much.  And I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. The passion starts to heat up, when she eventually says " don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."  I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep... The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.  We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big department store.  I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.  She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all.  She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.  We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited.  She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.  I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.  I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.  Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."  Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?!" ! !

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.